I'm Back!

Well.
Ironically my last blog was talking about being consistent.
Life got a hold of me and I just simply didn't make anytime for it.
Now here it is nearly October!

What's new here? Well, we brought our kitty back home finally. Aniyah is going to be turning 5 Sunday. The husband is away for 40 days for the work(Thank you Army), so of course we aren't doing Aniyah's big birthday party until he gets back but Sunday we will be doing something special. She is excited to behaving "two" birthday parties.

I feel great. I thought that with Ben being gone I was going to be run down and just plain tired. Don't get me wrong, Im super busy, and feel like I'm all over the place, but I am greatful for this lifestyle we are living. Working out, drinking Shakeology and eating clean. It is definitely helping and I can feel it. I wake up everyday with a positive mindset and I tell myself that no matter how I am feeling it is going to be a good day.

I know that sometimes it isn't easy to do. You wake up, you feel tired, you just want to go back to sleep. So in return, sometimes you are grumpy and don't want to do anything. What happens?

Your day probably sucks.

I've been there. Done that. Am NOT going back to it.

Try changing the way you THINK. Think positively. Think happy. Think about the things you want to get done and it will happen. Focus on the negative, that is what's going to happen. Focus on the positive, and you will see the difference in your life.

Try it.

I don't have too much to say right now except that I am going to do my hardest to start blogging again at  least every other night.

I will leave you with this today;
"Believe you can and you're halfway there." -Theodore Roosevelt <3

Be Consistent

I forgot to write for Sunday evening.
I nearly forgot for Monday, but here I am actually at 12:31 am Tuesday and going to get some stuff down in words.
One, I can't let myself forget to blog. I have to make it a habit of mine. I want people to read my story and realize that in a LOT of things they struggle with, they are not alone. I want to be your friend.

Sunday, nothing special really happened. Well, depends on what you consider special. Haha. We watched Lord of the Rings, the 3rd one. Is it bad that I teared up at the end? Don't judge me. *wink*
The kids got haircuts. Lord knows I only went to trim Aniyah's split ends, and that I was going to do Izayah's at home. He decided he wanted a Fohawk. Then Isabelah decided she was going to be a big girl too and get hers cut. I kind of teared up at that. The kid isn't even 3 yet and she's rockin a bob like her mama. Gotta let the kids be independent right? I guess so. They all look good though.

As for Monday, talk about BUSY. I officially became a college student today!!! I went in today for testing and then did my degree plan. I must say, I was very disappointed in myself though. I came to realize that it has been a LONG time since I have been in school. I am used to getting high numbers with my grades and today my highest was a 78! I also have to take 2 developmental math classes. Im not  a fan of math and apparently I now suck at it! I looked at my page that tells me I have to take college algebra. Lord help me. It can only go up from here, right?

Once home I just looked at my house. My crazy, messed up, children filled house. I have began to be content with the fact that while the kids are young, my house just isn't going to be clean. I am no supermom/superwife/ineedtoclean all day kind of person. I hate cleaning. Hate it. We do picking up during the day and keep the bathrooms clean and keep the kitchen clean but that's about as good as it gets.
I also decided today I am not cleaning my laundry room anymore.
Of course I am completely kidding(maybe)
I am just so frustrated that everytime I clean it, it gets messed up again! I don't know why!!! I told the kids they're not allowed in there anymore. ( We will see how long that lasts. I don't even know WHY they go in there!)

I met some of my new coaches today. I am so excited to be building my team! After meeting them we all went home and got on a team call, and then after that did some group calling! I am so excited to get them started and see what kind of goals they crush with their businesses! I am very proud of each and every one of them for taking a step forward into their futures.

I just want to say, I almost didn't write tonight. I was laying in bed. I couldn't sleep though and thought "Lets not fall behind another night!"
So here goes.
I want you to know that today was a Monday. It's ok if tomorrow seems like one, too. :)

Last thing, I had to write an essay today. I got 5 out of 10. THAT explains it! I told you my writing was rusty. ;) (Ive never gotten less than a 90 in writing!)

I Don't Know What to Call This One :)

So I am going to write again because I promised myself I would every night so I want to stay on track. Even though it is technically the next day.
I blame that on Ben. He shut my phone off and took all computers away at 5pm. I made dinner and we watched Lord of The Rings(1st and 2nd). As much as I hate to admit it, I now REALLY want to watch the 3rd one.
Never thought I would say that!!
Dinner was so good. I made Mexican rice using brown rice(we think it tastes better!) and I made cheesy salsa chicken flautas and they were delish.

I didn't workout today. Ben did though. Besides PT I don't think Ben has WORKED out in almost a year. (Besides his 2 days he did T25 with me, I guess that counts haha)
I was so proud of him though. I think he is starting to feel lazy because I workout and he doesn't lol.
I let my day get a hold of me though. Plus I have been sucking at drinking enough water so I have been trying to shake a headache for like 3 days now.
I did better getting all my calories in though. I need to get myself back on track like I have been. I hate falling off for a couple days..
I don't want to completely fall off when we go visit home(5 days!!)
I am going grocery shopping for all of our food while we are there and I am going to be doing all the cooking for us. I am hoping to also show our families a few things we do to eat cleaner and healthier and give them some ideas!
We got a small start on school supplies today. We only need a bajillion more. LOL.

I don't have too much to say today. Although I am very tired and it is after midnight and Isabelah is still awake lol. The kids fell asleep when the 2nd movie was almost over.(like 11ish!) That's late for them!!

I met a super awesome chick today too! She is a fellow coach and a new friend. :) Her hubby and mine also have a couple things in common so that was pretty dang cool to me!

Ok all, I will hopefully have some more interesting news tomorrow!
Goodnight! (Morning, or whatever time it is for you. <3 )

It's the Little Things

I went to bed last night with a plan.
I woke up today and I was already behind on it.

Things never seem to go the way I plan them the night before. But regardless, I made the family breakfast and then I hopped in the shower so I could head on over and enroll into college.
(that's another story)
Anyway. I got out of the shower and wrapped my towel around me. IT WENT AROUND ME. I screamed for Ben(my husband) because the towels have never wrapped completely around me. It was awesome. I was so excited. It is the little things like that, that help me remember, that what I am doing is worth it for ME. I AM WORTH IT.
Fast forward.
I am driving over to the college I am going to be attending, just to get a phone call from Ben that he needed to get into work. He felt really bad. I cried on my way home. I have been trying to get everything ready and set before we go visit back home next week. So I just told myself maybe the time isn't right for me to go back to school. Well, he went into work and he was back an hour or so later. He walked in the house and threw me the keys and told me to get my butt over there so I could get the process started. So I did.
As I was sitting in the seat, looking over the application I felt like an IDIOT. A complete idiot. It just made me feel worse, because I had already had to tell the receptionist that I did not have a high school diploma, but a GED. I know I shouldn't care, but I let it get to me sometimes. Anyway, so as I am filling out this application so many of the questions were so confusing. But I got through it and finished it. My mind was racing, I kept thinking "Are you sure, Jessi?" Well, I didn't have much time to think because a counselor called me back right away. We talked about some things and about how I didn't need my transcripts because it had been SO long since I have been in school. I have to retake the tests and then go over a degree plan. I am still having a headache over all of this because then after I got finished I came home and started the financial aid process. Then I had to go through my emails to start our daycare assistance process. That alone is another whole headache in itself.
I am just going to be blunt. It really sucks being away from all our family and friends when I need to go places and get things done that the kids can't necessarily be with me to do. My husband can't get off work, and I need to go test, or go to financial aid services, or anything. It isn't fun and it is downright stressful. Then, once we are back from visiting home, I get to go find daycares. I get to try and find one that has openings for both girls, while making sure that I am only scheduling class during school hours for the other 2 so we save money.
Well, in doing all of this, you can bet your behinds I have a headache.
But you know what?
I am thankful. I am blessed. I have the opportunity to go to school. I have the opportunity to get help with daycare. I just need to get everything set, so I can take full advantage of what is in front of me.
It is ok for things not to go as planned, you'll get there anyway the way you didn't plan most of the time.

Either way, I am STILL happy that I got the freaking towel around me. There is just a small little gap right by my thighs now!
Oh, and I promise, as I blog more, it really should get better. I don't want to bore anyone. :)

When is enough, enough?
Back in January I asked myself the same thing.
I honestly can't remember what came over me. All I know is I'm not looking back.

Before January came I was a *typical* mother you might say. A *typical* wife. Depends on your definition of typical I guess. I'd get up every morning and take my 2 oldest kids to school. Izayah and Aniyah, who are now 7 and almost 5 are 2 of my precious babes. Then I have Isabelah, who is almost 3, and then Rosayliah who is nearly 1. (Time really does fly by the way) Anyway, back to what I was saying. I would drop them off at school after getting up and out of bed when I absolutely didn't want to. I would drive through the parent drop off and kiss Izayah and tell him to have a great day, then I would drive over to Aniyah's head start and get all the girls out of the van and go drop her at her class and take Isa and Rosa back to the van and drive home. (Sometimes I went through McDonald's driveway so I could have my iced coffee for breakfast and Isa would be done eating breakfast before we even got home.) <<I actually did that a lot.
We would go home and I would take them into my room, lock my door and lay down with Rosa and turn on cartoons for Isa. I would set my alarm for lunchtime. When the alarm went off, I would feed Isa(sometimes feed myself) and we would go back into the room and sleep again. This time I "took advantage" of Isa's nap time. I set my alarm for when it was time to go get Aniyah from school.
Yes, I KNOW, this IS pathetic. (in my opinion anyway)
I was miserable. All I ever wanted to do is sleep. I wasn't happy. I was selfish. I got angry at everything. I didn't want to be in the life I was in.
I WAS grateful for my kids and sometimes for my husband. Yes, I said sometimes. Like I said, I was miserable and sometimes I simply just questioned our marriage. (Later, found out he did, too)
Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. We all have our problems. I don't want to go into complete details but my husband is in the army and that can be trying for families. Especially a blended family. My son suffered a big change from being away from his biological dad(who doesn't have anything to do with him or Aniyah anyway), went to counseling and is doing SO much better now I am proud to say. (He made Honor Roll!!)
Anyway, we were living paycheck to paycheck, sometimes not even making it til the next check and just doing what we could or our parents helped us. I hate asking for money and it really makes me feel ashamed but sometimes you just have to let your pride go when you have nothing else to do.

SO, in January, (very close to my birthday) I was offered a change. What kind of change? A healthier lifestyle. That's it.
And. It. Has. Changed. All. Of. Our. Lives.
I quit pop, I started working out, I started eating healthy. I cut out all processed foods, artificals and started drinking my meal replacement.
I started to smile FOR REAL.
Things changed so quickly, I took on the opportunity to help others as I was helped. Why wouldn't I pay it forward? I have always been that kind of person.
My husband and I started LIKING each other and actually have conversations now and enjoy each others company. My son isn't in counseling anymore. The girls are happy. We are happy. I am happy. This has not been in ANY way easy, I have my trying moments EVERYDAY. But I am not giving up. OH, and we're not living paycheck to paycheck as bad as  we were anymore and it will only go up from here.

So, this is just some of what I wanted to say for now. I am new at this blogging thing, and hoping I will get the hang of it.
My point in doing this is I don't want ANYONE out there to think they are alone in anything. I came from a life where there was struggle, in a little town in Iowa.
That's all for now. Thanks for reading. :) (I haven't written in over 5 years!)