When is enough, enough?
Back in January I asked myself the same thing.
I honestly can't remember what came over me. All I know is I'm not looking back.

Before January came I was a *typical* mother you might say. A *typical* wife. Depends on your definition of typical I guess. I'd get up every morning and take my 2 oldest kids to school. Izayah and Aniyah, who are now 7 and almost 5 are 2 of my precious babes. Then I have Isabelah, who is almost 3, and then Rosayliah who is nearly 1. (Time really does fly by the way) Anyway, back to what I was saying. I would drop them off at school after getting up and out of bed when I absolutely didn't want to. I would drive through the parent drop off and kiss Izayah and tell him to have a great day, then I would drive over to Aniyah's head start and get all the girls out of the van and go drop her at her class and take Isa and Rosa back to the van and drive home. (Sometimes I went through McDonald's driveway so I could have my iced coffee for breakfast and Isa would be done eating breakfast before we even got home.) <<I actually did that a lot.
We would go home and I would take them into my room, lock my door and lay down with Rosa and turn on cartoons for Isa. I would set my alarm for lunchtime. When the alarm went off, I would feed Isa(sometimes feed myself) and we would go back into the room and sleep again. This time I "took advantage" of Isa's nap time. I set my alarm for when it was time to go get Aniyah from school.
Yes, I KNOW, this IS pathetic. (in my opinion anyway)
I was miserable. All I ever wanted to do is sleep. I wasn't happy. I was selfish. I got angry at everything. I didn't want to be in the life I was in.
I WAS grateful for my kids and sometimes for my husband. Yes, I said sometimes. Like I said, I was miserable and sometimes I simply just questioned our marriage. (Later, found out he did, too)
Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. We all have our problems. I don't want to go into complete details but my husband is in the army and that can be trying for families. Especially a blended family. My son suffered a big change from being away from his biological dad(who doesn't have anything to do with him or Aniyah anyway), went to counseling and is doing SO much better now I am proud to say. (He made Honor Roll!!)
Anyway, we were living paycheck to paycheck, sometimes not even making it til the next check and just doing what we could or our parents helped us. I hate asking for money and it really makes me feel ashamed but sometimes you just have to let your pride go when you have nothing else to do.

SO, in January, (very close to my birthday) I was offered a change. What kind of change? A healthier lifestyle. That's it.
And. It. Has. Changed. All. Of. Our. Lives.
I quit pop, I started working out, I started eating healthy. I cut out all processed foods, artificals and started drinking my meal replacement.
I started to smile FOR REAL.
Things changed so quickly, I took on the opportunity to help others as I was helped. Why wouldn't I pay it forward? I have always been that kind of person.
My husband and I started LIKING each other and actually have conversations now and enjoy each others company. My son isn't in counseling anymore. The girls are happy. We are happy. I am happy. This has not been in ANY way easy, I have my trying moments EVERYDAY. But I am not giving up. OH, and we're not living paycheck to paycheck as bad as  we were anymore and it will only go up from here.

So, this is just some of what I wanted to say for now. I am new at this blogging thing, and hoping I will get the hang of it.
My point in doing this is I don't want ANYONE out there to think they are alone in anything. I came from a life where there was struggle, in a little town in Iowa.
That's all for now. Thanks for reading. :) (I haven't written in over 5 years!)